I was attending a small First Communion preparation meeting with the priest in autumn 2007. Everyone was asked to give their personal opinion on the subject of confession. But what do you say if you haven't been to confession for 20 years? Only one sentence came excitedly from my lips: "Yes, I would like to do that again!" I could not and did not dare to say more. I was a quiet person who was not keen on speaking publicly,  even if it was just to read out an intercession in church.

I couldn't get my response and the thought of confession out of my head after that evening. For over a year I pondered, yearning more and more for this sacrament. There were things that had been on my mind for a long time that I wanted to get rid of in confession. But I didn't have the courage and there never seemed to be the opportunity to do so. Indeed, I kept making up excuses not to do it.

But then, a year later, on a Friday morning in September 2008, I actually found a church in Bonn and a priest where I could go to confession and get rid of all the ballast of the past years. Secretly, of course, without telling anyone.

I felt good after confession, somehow liberated and relieved.  Among other things, I was forgiven for something that I had carried inside me for more than 20 years. This was sometimes more, sometimes less present, but it had often enough made my life complicated, difficult and painful in certain situations.

It was only in the evening that it became clear to me what had happened. A change had taken place in me. There was suddenly something in me that I had never experienced before. It was hard to put into words. It was a love that was palpable in my heart. I could really feel this burning and living feeling inside me and I was totally overwhelmed. I was transformed, like new. Even my husband noticed it and when I told him the reason - namely my confession - his comment was: "Then you should have gone 20 years ago!"

On that day, Christ came alive in my life. Not that I had not lived a "Catholic" life in some ways before this confession....... a faithful parental home, Communion, Confirmation, I attended Holy Mass on many Sundays and I said a prayer now and then.

But God knows I did not have a living relationship with Christ.

The special thing for me was not the moment of confession, not the encounter with the priest. No, it was what CHRIST did with me through this sacrament; how he worked through his Holy Spirit, how he transformed me and how he gave me a new beginning through it.

Whether in the car, at the supermarket checkout, in the waiting room at the doctor's,  almost everywhere I thought of Christ and was in conversation with Him. He just wouldn't let me go!!! On the one hand beautiful and touching and yet somehow also strange and irritating. I would never have believed that he would be so vividly and tangibly present in my life.

In short, HE has turned my life completely upside down, step by step!  He changed me and my daily habits and showed me ways to get even closer to Him.                                             

I could go on for pages about experiences that have since enriched my life more and more and strengthened my faith. 

Every day I ask the exciting question:

"What can and may I do for you today Lord?"

The path that I have been allowed to walk since my confession has not always been easy. Walking it is connected with challenges and diverse commitments. It makes me happy, joyful and grateful. It gives me fulfilment and is exciting. I hope that I will always be allowed to continue on this path, beyond death to eternal communion with my Lord and my God!