I grew up in a Catholic family and socialised within the church, but at the beginning of my studies in Graz, at the age of 19, I made the conscious decision to renounce God. At that time I had an image of God and Christian life that put a lot of pressure on me and made me question everything I did. Then, as a young student, when I realised how constricted and depressed this made me feel, I turned away from God delaring to Him that I chose to be "free" from church rules and constraints. At that time, I had not yet come to know God personally, but rather understood Catholic life as a "lifestyle" that I experienced with my friends and social group.

Years at university followed, during which I enjoyed my newly acquired "freedom" without giving a single thought to the possible consequences of my new lifestyle. I went to lots of parties, had lots of relationships and lived just for the day. This was followed by my professional success as a recruitment consultant in a large, international headhunting company with a posh office in the centre of Vienna. As my career developed successfuly I had the feeling that I could achieve anything and that all I needed to make me happy was a woman by my side with whom I could also start a family. Again, my intention was to pursue my own personal success and fulfilment. Since I hardly had any time to meet women because of my work, I registered on an online dating site and after only a few weeks I met a very elegant young woman with whom I quickly began a relationship. She came from a very wealthy family. The combination of beauty and wealth impressed me and after only a few months we moved in together - into a penthouse flat owned by the family. What more could I ask for? After less than a year, we got engaged and started planning our wedding. We hadn't really thought about this decision or even talked about it. We were acting on impulse and out of our own longing. We would certainly have taken the final step down the aisle if it hadn't been for an open conflict at a family gathering, about 3 months before the wedding. That experience made me think. A lot of things had not been right in the relationship and this had put a lot of strain on me and certainly on my partner. In addition, at that stage we did not have the necessary skills and prerequisites for a successful relationship, let alone for marriage and a family. But since we never talked about it and because we lived together we lacked the "healthy distance" to be able to see things clearly, the problems never really surfaced. My family saw the problems very clearly, but did not want to influence my decision - for which I am grateful in retrospect, as it would probably have led to a "now more than ever" reaction on my part. Only later did I find out that my mother, sister, grandmother and aunt had been praying  for me for a long time that I would be able to get out of this relationship.

After the argument at the family reunion, I was devastated because I realised that something was wrong in this relationship that I had dreamed of so much. But maybe it could still be fixed? I stayed alone with my parents after the conflict and prayed properly for the first time in a long time. It was a cry for help from the bottom of my heart. I knew I had to make a decision now. I told God: "I know that You exist, but I have not been interested in You for a long time. But now I need Your help! I cannot make this decision alone."

The moment I uttered this cry for help, in the midst of my despair, I suddenly felt a very deep peace and comfort and I knew that God had heard me and would help me. Suddenly it was crystal clear what I had to do. It is very difficult to describe in words that moment when you feel the presence of God so clearly - all I can say is that my life was not the same afterwards.

I also remembered at that moment that God is always speaking to people through the Bible too. So I prayed and randomly drew two passages from the Bible online, asking that God would again give me confirmation through his word for the path I should now take. Both passages were very appropriate and gave me courage to really take the necessary step. One of the passages was Luke 9:25: "Jesus Christ says, What shall it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?" That was indeed a message for me! What would I gain from all of my material prosperity, lifestyle, success, ... if I lost myself and God in the process?

Two days later I drove to the flat we shared and tearfully gathered some of my posessions to move out. I knew I had to take a radical step here and act quickly. While I was packing my things, I kept thinking to myself "It's an absolute disaster what's happening here right now!".

Then, as I was driving my packed car towards my short-term rented accommodation, I had to stop at one of the traffic lights. I looked out of the window and what I read on an advertising board for the Vienna Burgtheater hit me to the core: "Maybe this is the chance of a lifetime, this catastrophe". This phrase stayed in my head the whole time I was in the flat, as a description of what had happened to me here in the last few days! At that moment it was also very clear to me that all of this was not a coincidence, but another sign from God for me that the step I had just taken with many tears was the right one and that he was guiding me. Days later, when I told my closest colleagues in the office  what I had done, they wondered where I had found the strength to make this very difficult decision. A colleague had been in a very similar situation about 15 years before, but had married the man anyway. They had children together and then 10 years later had to go through a very painful divorce for all those involved, which also had serious consequences for her health. This, and other examples, showed me what fate I had escaped at the last minute. We would undoubtedly have had a similar experience.

I am sure that without God I would not have made it out of the relationship and I am also sure that He enabled me to find the clarity and consistency that I needed.

In fact, the saying I that had read on the day I left, also came true. This apparent disaster had opened my life to other opportunities. I had been able to experience God so intensely in the days when I had asked Him for help that nothing was the same afterwards. I began to pray again each day and resolved to do everything to get to know better this God whom I was experiencing and who, despite my turning away from him for many years, apparently loved me so much that he was not indifferent to my fate and helped me so directly in my great need. It was also a revelation to me that God was so tangible.

Over the next 2 years, I was able to get to know Jesus much more personally and was guided by him very closely, and learned a lot about the Christian faith through the help of some great Catholic parishes and communities. I also had to learn to pray anew.

It seems that my mother never stopped praying for me either, because not too long ago she told me that she admired St. Pope John Paul II very much and had asked him for years to intercede with God so that I would find a good partner. And where did I meet my future wife? At the John Paul II Centre. We first met in the chapel at Eucharistic Adoration - where she prayed for the right husband.